Caroline Kennedy: The Don Quixote Without a Windmill

Good news, America – the Kennedys are back! Sort of.

When Caroline Kennedy, the closest today’s generation has to Novocain incarnate, announced she wanted Sen. Hillary Clinton’s (D-N.Y.) seat, I confess that my first thought was “Look again, because she has a big seat.” I have to make jokes like that because, when Clinton is Secretary of State, they won’t make themselves.

In a way, Kennedy running for office is a testament to the pioneering, never-say-die, anything-is-possible American dream. Her quest underscores the ages-old belief that, in this country, anyone can rise to the highest levels of power by simply attending cocktail parties and making speeches, as infrequent as they are passionless.

It’s sad but true. Even today, her father – the late president – has more charisma when he speaks than she does, and he hasn’t said a word in 45 years.

Democrat insiders admit she hasn’t spent years out on the road, working hard for the common man like her uncle Bobby, saved sailors like her father or managed a business like her brother John John. She hasn’t even driven a car into Chappaquiddick like her uncle Teddy. Who does she think she is?

She’s a New Yorker, that’s who. There is a different standard for public servants in the Empire State. A standard where any carpetbagger is welcome, provided they are famous enough. Sen. Bobby Kennedy moved there only shortly before announcing his candidacy for its empty U.S. Senate seat in 1964. Similarly, Clinton moved to New York in 2000, just long enough to file for her Senate run and to move back to D.C.

Unlike places like Wyoming or Arizona, where one can’t be elected to much of anything without claiming to be a fifth-generation descendant of homesteaders, New Yorkers seem to favor anyone who is famous. For this reason, Caroline Kennedy – who has spent most of her adult life hosting fundraisers while living on Fifth Avenue in Manhattan and summering on Martha’s Vineyard – has deeper roots than many of New York’s political elite. Also, she is the reason Neil Diamond – another New Yorker – wrote “Sweet Caroline.” Who doesn’t like Neil Diamond?

Whatever else one can say about her, Caroline Kennedy – sometimes known as Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg – would fit right in the Senate. She has no ideas and even less charisma, and makes Ethel Kennedy seem like Robin Williams. She’s like a female version of Sen. Dick Lugar (R-Ind.). With her apparent desire to run for the U.S. Senate, despite a lack of experience, agenda or speaking skills, she is Don Quixote without a horse, a windmill or even a Sancho Panza.

She is beautiful, poised and – dare I say – regal-looking in every way. Until she starts talking, and then I start focusing on what tie to wear tomorrow or whether I’ve checked the battery in my smoke alarm. She is the human equivalent of white noise – a dim humming sound that allows one to focus on everything else.

In that respect, maybe she would be an asset to the Senate. If helping our friends in the upper chamber focus is wrong, I don’t want to be right. But I’m betting she loses distantly to the many others who also seek the seat. As she’ll soon learn, the Kennedy name doesn’t have the cachet it once did.